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CicelyRobinLaing©2014
I had a nightmare just before I woke up this morning.
 
As I lay there half asleep… my mind filled with thoughts. Thought that made me feel bad about myself and the things I do. I was sent down the slippery path of wondering why I don’t get to do certain things that I want to do, or why I don’t feel accepted for who I am, or could be if given a chance. Or why I can’t be a better person for those that I love.
The nightmare made me wonder if every nice thing anyone’s ever said to me, were just empty acts of kindness. That I don’t really see the truth about myself. I don’t see the way others see me and the way I truly am. In my head every voice that ever said “Why did you even bother showing up?” was out in full force. And my little, childlike self confidence just curled up into a ball and rolled under the bed. This kind of mental crap is the real waking nightmare…
 
The mind can be incredibly mean sometimes. Depression can sneak in and spoil things that should be successes. The social pressure to be humble (but great), the selfish needs of the ego and the “aloneness” of being a human, conspire to knock that fragile kite of happiness out of the sky. Even in a strong positive wind a kite can spin out of control and smash into the ground. The wind that holds up my kite is full of the support of kind people. People who have said nice things to me, or shown me love and friendship. And I have been buoyed by the short lasting gusts of life experiences. Experiences that have given me a chance to grow as a human. But that wind can only hold up my kite if the attached string holds tight. And I feel like my string is full of knots and frayed ends.
 
I know I am not alone in my kitemare. There are lots of struggling kites up in this very cloudy sky. And most of us don’t even know what is anchoring us to the earth. But knowing you are not the only one doesn’t really help with the fear. The terrifying fear that comes when you feel the wind drop, and you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You don’t even tell yourself to hold on, cause there’s nothing to hold on to. And you try to drum up your own wind. One that’s just strong enough to carry you on until a real wind blows again.
 
But maybe, just maybe, that wind that we make for ourselves is more like a whistle. One that summons a sunny gale or a dark storm. Either way it lifts us up and keeps us going a bit longer. And maybe, our string is stronger because it’s all tangled up in the strings of others. Hopefully those others are entwined friends and not the messy knots of crazy-makers. I hope that I will always have enough breath left to whistle a little.

 
I don’t have a cure for my nightmares or my kitemares. I can’t see a way to make it better because I am already doing the best I can do. And maybe that’s enough. My father told me to do what makes you happy. But I learned soon enough by watching him that life is never just “happy”. “Happy” is often sandwiched in between struggles, grief and pain. You can’t always control things, maybe you can’t control anything. You can try to control yourself, but even that is not always possible. So, there are no answers, only questions and a great deal of effort. I cherish my happy sandwich, even if I wouldn’t mind less bread.
 
So… I guess I finally understand that life is a picnic.
Ants and all…
And if I fall asleep for a nap, I may have a nightmare.
Okay…
Thanks for letting me talk it all out at you.
 
Anyone want to go fly a kite?

In My Dreams by Cicely Robin Laing.


Words & images by Cicely Robin Laing © 2017

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CicelyRobinLaing©2014

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Please… really… Let me be snowed in….
The “Holidays” really take it out of me….
I love them and yet….
they can be such a “black hole” when it comes to time….
Maybe it’s just me… but every year,
I try to get all my holiday “to do”s done way ahead of time…
and still, here it is almost January….
and I still have unfinished “Holiday” business….
A Holiday Hang-Over of the “Rats! I didn’t get that done!” type…..
Still, Santa came on time….
I got almost all the gifts wrapped….
And about half of the lights are hung and working….
But I am sleep deprived and living off chocolate and cheese…..
The floor is covered with bits of wrapping paper….
And the cats have stolen ornaments from the tree….
Still, there is happiness….
I enjoyed the magic….
I get to spend time with my partner and kids….
We even survived multiple family get togethers….
And enjoyed a few days of sleeping in….
Ignore the chores….
I have come to accept that I just can’t do everything….
Less posts on my blog in exchanged for baking cookies with my kids….
Laundry stacking up so I can go shopping with my daughter….
That Holiday letter I started in October, that may not go out till April….
If ever………………………………….
I may feel a little regret…. or a lot………..
for not completing my latest art “master piece”…..
but playing board games with my son is just so much more rewarding….
Maybe I should be cleaning out the back hallway closet…
But really…. who cares when there are Christmas cookies left to eat….
So, let me be snowed in….
Whether it be real snow…. or just me ignoring the world outside….
Put on a Holiday movie and pour me a bit of cocoa….
The Holidays are a gift of time….
To be shared with family….
And really….
Everything else can wait….

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And for the 31st? Forget the nog or bubbly… I got a bottle of Scotch…. Thanks Santa!

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Happy New Year!

 

 

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Cicely Robin Laing © 2014

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I don’t have the answers to the woes of the world…
I can’t even solve my own…
but a little fuzzy love…
and mindless distraction…
helps bring the stress level down…

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It’s been that kind of day….

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Hope your’s has been better….

 

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Improv Rangers © 2014

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In the spirit of Seriously Silly Sunday… tonight I shall be taking the stage with my fellow improvisers with attitude to fight the evil Rita Repulsa and save the day… as The Mighty Morphin Improv Rangers!

I have to say it’s a challenge to be a positive as those teenaged Power Rangers are… Fighting Putty Patrollers is exhausting at my age…. but with the help of Zordon, my Zord and my fellow rangers you can be sure by the end of the night we will have saved the Earth yet again… and maybe even made you smile.

Come to HUGE Improv Theater tonight, doors open at 7:30.  One tickets gets you in to see five improvised shows from five different groups all tonight at Improv-A-Go-Go…..

To see a sneak preview of out opening video click the image link below!

Improv Rangers © 2014

Mighty Morphin Improv Ranger Opening Video

 

Hope to see you there!

 

 

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CicelyRobinLaing©2014

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What happens when a middle aged mom says “Yes!” to the enthusiasm of improv geeks? … Well… She morphs of course!

“WHAT?” you might ask… You see I have been recruited by my friend Bryce, other wise known has the Zordon of Improv, to become an Improv Ranger!
That is exactly what it sounds like… You remember Power Rangers right? Well, we are improvisers with attitude, and we are here to fight the evil Rita as she tries to destroy our improvised world.

Six of my fellow Mighty Morphin Improv Rangers will be saving the world every Sunday night for the four weeks at HUGE Improv Theater!
(Well, not on Dec. 7th as Rita has promised to be good for the Improvisor of The Year Award Show. We’ll be there just in case she causes trouble…)

MorphinImprovRangers©2014

Yes, that’s me… I’m the Black Ranger! 😀

If you are in the Twin Cities area… come see us morphin and fighting Rita’s monsters, Sunday nights at 8pm Nov. 30th, Dec. 14th and Dec. 21st!

Black Mighty Morphin Ranger

Looks just like me… right?

Really, the range of long-form improv theater I get to do is amazingly fun! I hope some of you will be able to join me for the show… And if not, I hope you will stay tuned for more silliness that comes from my improvised lifestyle… because at the very heart of my “Life as Art… and a bit of Non-sense” is a core of improvisation…

In the mean whilst… I have to run to practice pretending!

 

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CIcelyRobinLaing©2014

 

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The world is full of scary things…

It’s also full of realized dreams…

Both of nightmares and bliss…

And all of these are gifts…

If you want to fly…

Learn to love the fall…

You cannot reach the heights…

With your feet planted firmly on the ground…

Let go…

And see where the wings of your thoughts will take you…

Let the wind of chance play…

And when you fall…

Let it happen…

You may land somewhere unexpected and new…

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Flying…
One feather at a time…
I love the feeling of flying… falling…
Every plan has potential… of success and failure…
Every attempt is glorious…
Every well earned bruise part of living life to the fullest…
There is no true success without risk…
And every failure is its own accomplishment…
After all, a crash landing is still a landing…. right?

…. and I’m thankful for that…

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Words and Image by Cicely Robin Laing © 2014

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CicelyRobinLaing©2014

 

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The world is never what you think it is…and that is what I love about improvised theater…
I can make the world what ever I want it to be!

Tonight starts the HUGE Improv Theater‘s Improvathon 2014!  Huge is a small non-profit theater in Minneapolis, MN that is dedicated to sharing long form improv. The Improvathon is the biggest fundraiser of the year for this fantastic community.

I will be performing five times during the 28 hours of improv. If you are anywhere close to the Twin Cities, I hope you will stop in and join us for this incredible event!

If you can’t join us, I hope you will help me meet my fundraising goals by donating to the Improvathon on-line. One of my groups will feature all three of my children… THAT will indeed be a very unpredictable event!

Here’s the link to donate on behalf of our family improv group… Bad Bunnies!

I will post some incentives for donating on my next post… 🙂

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Cicely Robin Laing © 2014

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